A week and a day

There are so many things I've been thinking about this morning.

First of all, I woke myself up coughing my head off at 6 am. I got out of bed and literally felt like I had been hit by a train. My shoulder was killing me.
I saw I had missed a text message from someone relatively important that I haven't talked to in a day or two, and when I fell back asleep I had a dream about them. When I woke up again, I became aware that my subconscious wants to marry this person... which lead me to wonder, if a person knew they were on trial, that someone was only giving them a certain amount of time to make a move or make a difference, and the deadline was approaching quickly, would they act differently? Would they back out before their time was up, or would they make that change and make everything happen? I wish I was more able to live by the "say what you need to say" idea. No beating around the bush... but I have to.

After thinking about all this, I started paying attention to the music playing from my laptop that had been going all night while I was sleeping. Some songs are just meant to be listened to in those moments you're laying in bed in the morning, thinking. Songs like Then It Happened by Milosh, The Cave by Mumford & Sons, 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins, Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol, and 'Til the End of Time by Timothy Bloom. These songs just sound... like morning. Not necessarily the words of the songs, which you don't pay attention to if you're laying there thinking, the words are blurred out. The song's all mashed together, and you're just laying there thinking. Everything just fits.

Sometimes, you just have to make yourself believe that you're wrong and that things are going to change, that you're being too hard on yourself and there's more than meets the eye. Because there will come a moment that will make you feel all of those things, and if you spend that moment thinking it's too good to be true, chances are it'll be too good to be true, and the moment will be gone. The first time I smiled today, laying in bed, making myself believe I was wrong, as I'm beginning a conversation with the subconscious potential husband I dream about, I took a picture of myself. Laying there, smiling. Today will probably be a good day.